I sit here in my small apartment in Denmark in the dark. I find solace in dimly lit surroundings as I try to wrap my head around Saturday's game and try to muster up the strength to write my usual positive outlook, but I have a feeling this piece will just be an expression of sorrow from a broken heart. I haven't even brought myself to watch the full game yet. I can't. Has the homer in me died after another bad outing? I've been a fan for 30 years ever since I went to the season opener to the 93 Rose Bowl season.
Am I done?
This season began with so much hope, and the excitement in this homer's heart was palpable. My team, my offense, together. I was so excited that I started this silly little Substack in hope of chronicling Wisconsin's journey into modern football. Following the subpar Launch, a wave of skepticism echoed through the fandom, with and doubts began surfacing about the team's trajectory. I remained resolute in my conviction that both the team as a whole and particularly the offense would eventually find success because the track record spoke for itself. My first hand experience of how a strong system can become a great equalizer. It's just the spring though. "It's a transition year," I reassured myself that the roster needed time to evolve and adapt. "Don't worry, it will get better," I reiterated, clinging to the belief that improvement was on the horizon.
It just had to be.
As the season began, the anticipated improvements left me grappling with a sense of stagnation. The same problems over and over again. Attributing the less than stellar performance to mere early-season jitters, I found myself justifying the team's struggles as a consequence of the challenges in replicating true game scenarios during practice. "It's all about adapting to real game situations," I told myself, maintaining the belief that the team would eventually find their rhythm. The Air Raid offense is all about rhythm and we'll get it eventually...right?
Despite the setbacks, one calming thought echoed in my mind: "At least it's not Chryst's offense anymore", a silver lining that perhaps a new direction would eventually yield better results because it certainly couldn't get any worse. However, as the season has progressed without significant improvements, my initial optimism has begun to wane, and I found myself grappling with increasing concerns about the team's overall trajectory.
Watching this offense has felt like a never ending cycle of two steps forward and one step back. For every hard-earned improvement, there was an accompanying maddening setback. The setbacks have ran the gambit of self inflicted issues: mental errors, poor execution, and seemingly insignificant yet correctable mistakes that individually don't mean much but collectively have stopped the team's progress. I'm left here sitting in a state of bewildered disbelief. Witnessing the team's struggle to maintain momentum, especially after showing signs of potential progress, has become an increasingly difficult to justify. I search for answers that don't sound like the same excuses.
The winds of fortune have shifted, and what we thought was unstoppable march towards glory in December has twisted into a series of back breaking defeats. With each loss the most loyal of fan's have grown heavy. Is there a reason to hold on to the belief that things would turn around? Was there a shred of positivity left in the wreckage of a shattered season? Fate is a fickle mistress.
Amidst this turmoil the anti-fans grew louder. From the first punt in the Buffalo game, their rallying cry of "Fire Fickell, Longo can't coach" has reverberated louder and louder. These supposed fans seemed to revel in the team's every misstep, intensifying with each defeat. It was in this echoing madness I've tried to utilize my platform to share my insight and to show the casual fan that there was a path forward and I have the map to show it. The people I have met along the way have welcomed me into the community with such warmth and enthusiasm that even though my reach is beginning to plateau I felt that I had a purpose within the fandom. The challenge to sustain positivity and offer insight with a glimmer of hope in the face of overwhelming negativity is getting harder and harder. Has my faith been broken?
And then it hit me. Faith is a two way street. Without sounding too philosophical embracing this journey as a high-risk, high-reward proposition amplifies the richness of that faith's eventual reward. Having faith that the early struggles are just that and eventually we will be able to look back and say it was all worth it. So this homer isn't going anywhere nor will my love for the Badgers and the Air Raid offense. Through the highs and lows they always come through in the end. They will break my soul, but they will show me the path to mending my heart.
Maybe I need to spend a little less time on Twitter.